Busy Bodies
by PinPin13
Summary: One satisfied couple speculates about the possibility of another. Co-Authored w/Yllyn. One-Shot.


Disclaimer– I do not own the characters, etc. I am only borrowing them from Janet. This is not for profit, just for kicks.

Black Heart Challenge – PerfectlyPlum Feb. 2010  
><strong><br>****Busy Bodies****  
><strong>By PinPin & Yllyn

_"Roses are red; Spandex is too; She'll get glitter and lipstick, all over you."_

"Gee, thanks, Lester. You're a real Carl Sandburg." Tank didn't mind the ribbing too much. It was a small price to pay for Lester swapping shifts so he could see Lula for Valentine's Day. He was ready to head down to the garage. The control room was dead that night, most of the men having taken advantage of the holiday to make time for female companionship. Tank flinched a little when he saw Ranger's lips twitch in a smile. He shot a smug look at both of them that asked _'So, why aren't you getting any?_' before making a swift exit.

Unlike certain other Rangemen, Tank always knocked on his woman's door. He'd forgotten once, and netted a flesh wound for his memory lapse. Lula didn't fuck around when it came to home invaders. Of course afterward, she'd been pretty demonstrative with her apology, as well. It was almost enough to tempt him into making the same mistake a second time. Almost. Instead, he'd been busy brainstorming about less injurious ways to earn that particular brand of enthusiasm again. Tank absent-mindedly rubbed his scar while he waited for her to answer his knock. You've got to love a woman who keeps a box cutter next to her door.

His smile turned incandescent when Lula finally revealed her festive, holiday-loving self. Damn if Lester hadn't called it. She was wearing a red spandex corset-type thing on top, her breasts sprinkled with glitter and spilling over the edges. Her hair, nails, lipstick, and fishnet stockings all matched the same shade of bright, blood red. She was also sporting a tight, black, sequined skirt that barely covered her ass.

Tank was a gentleman and always tried to start things off on the right foot. "Happy Valentine's Day. You look hot."

Lula's manners, however, aren't what anyone would describe as polished, and her reply was more physical than verbal. Tank wasn't normally very verbal either, so the program went well from there.

"This here's one great Valentine's Day," Lula said afterwards. Tank silently scrounged in his clothes on the floor and handed her a flat box. "Damn skippy! That makes it even better." She tore open the wrapping to find a glittering necklace and earring set in blood red. "You're so fine! I bet I have the best Valentine's Day of anyone." She set to showing him her appreciation, and then he had to show his appreciation of her appreciation.

Afterglow was a time for Lula to let out the chatter she'd had boxed up for the last few hours of physical activity. "I'm so glad you could come tonight. Damn if Ranger don't owe you a long vacation! Is everyone taking it easy tonight and seeing their honeys?"

He knew she didn't want a full account of the Rangemen, just the dish on Ranger's plans for the evening. "Ranger and Lester are on surveillance tonight."

"Huh," she grumbled. "Ranger works too much. And my skinny ass white girl needs to get her act together. How's she gonna get Batman if she don't got the guts to say something? They both too damn blind to hook up on Valentine's Day? They could at least give a phone call."

Tank tried to imagine that exchange. "Saying something to Ranger may not actually help."

"If I never said something to you …"

"Point," he emphasized that point with a kiss, "but Ranger, well, he's different."

"Is he so damn different he don't want no lovin'?"

"Hey, we all want some," Tank said, soothing her back with his strong hands, "but Ranger's used to being in charge. He isn't used to asking for things, just giving orders. He don't know when to stop."

"Well then she just gotta put a stop to that shit for him."

Tank wanted to grin at the gumption it took to even think such a thing was possible, but he wasn't about to point out to her how unlikely that scenario was.

What Lula didn't know, and Tank sure as hell wasn't going to tell her, was that he'd already said something to Ranger about all of this. He'd joked that Ranger always sniffed around Steph the hardest when she was closest to Morelli. Ranger was his brother soldier, and had saved his life more than once, but damn if he wasn't too clever for his own good when it came to Stephanie Plum. Sometimes Tank wondered if Ranger really wanted Steph, or just wanted to piss on Morelli.

Actually, he knew the answer already. The man definitely wanted Steph, all of the time, and intermittently wanted to piss on Morelli. But he couldn't fault him for that. At some point in their lives, lots of guys had wanted to piss on Morelli.

Ranger, predictably, had not been amused by the ribbing. Tank knew that Ranger thought the guy was a decent man and a good cop, but he had a hard time understanding what that had to do with Stephanie. Ranger was a complete horse's ass about the whole thing. He honestly thought that she was better off with Morelli, and that _he_ was better off if she was with Morelli. But the desire was there. The competition was always there too, and of course Ranger thought he was the better man. The problem was that he wanted Stephanie to think so too. Not that he was prepared to actually do anything about it.

"Of course," Lula went on, "if white girl would just pull him in the sack and show him …"

"I don't think that would work." Tank knew for a fact that it wouldn't work. Except maybe to hurt Steph. Again. He was probably the only person aside from Ranger and Steph who knew they had spent a night together. First clue; he'd seen Ranger's GPS sit at her apartment all night. Secondly, the boss's phone was off for several hours. People might assume it from his looks, but Tank wasn't dumb. He'd known Ranger a long time, but he hadn't ever known Ranger to turn off his phone. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what had gone down.

"I know what I'm talkin' 'bout," Lula interrupted with a little pout. Tank could tell by the steady change in her breathing that Lula was working herself into rhino mode over this. "If she just straighten out her panties, open up her eyes, and got with the program, she be horizontal and happy right now. Valentine's Day puts everybody in the mood."

Tank gave a mental chuckle at the notion. Valentine's Day was the least likely day of the entire year that Ranger would do anything to encourage a woman. It might give her the idea that he had emotions. Or even worse, that he wanted to express them. And Batman can't have that.

"**The worst thing a guy can do is make a girl fall for him and not catch her**," Lula continued. "But the worst thing a girl can do is fall for a guy and then just stand around waiting for his dumbass to get with the program."

Tank felt she had a point, but he definitely was not the person to suggest Ranger 'get with the program' or 'open his eyes' or anything else along those lines. After all, Siberia was pretty damn cold this time of year.

"I'm not gonna meddle with Ranger's personal business even if you want to mess with Stephanie's." There was the strength of finality in his voice and it told her that the subject was closed. Reaching for her, he whispered in her ear, "Girl, you sure made me fall." Tank shifted their bodies into a more pleasurable configuration. He caught her gaze with his own and declared in a husky tone, "but you caught me real good."

Lula licked her lips and round three began.

(Word count: 1,324)

**A/N: ****Many, many thanks go out to the lovely ****and talented Yllyn, who co-authored this short with me. ****This is a one-shot, written in response to a group challenge at Y!PerfectlyPlum. Thank you for reading.**


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